Secrets
by Serenity Rose 24
Summary: Hawke and Anders knew each other before they arrived in Kirkwall, but Hawke thought she would never see Anders again as she ran from her home. She never expected to find him in Kirkwall. Read and see how their relationship unfolds. R&R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age

Secrets

_I have been watching my husband play Dragon Age 2 and this story idea came to me. I hope you enjoy it._

Serenity Hawke stared as she watched the Grey Warden heal the little boy rather strangely. She gasped as the Grey Warden turned around and she saw that it was Anders from the Feralden Circle of Magi. Her brother, Carver, heard her gasp.

"Do you know him, Sere?" he asked quietly. Serenity just nodded dumbfounded. She had never expected to see Anders again, especially not in Kirkwall of all places. As the family left, Anders began to glow again as Serenity's group moved forward.

"I have made this place a sanction of healing. Why do you threaten it?" Anders growled, grabbing his staff. Carver noticed how his sister hung back with Varric, so he stepped forward to confront the mage.

"We mean you no harm, mage. We are only looking for some information." Carver responded.

"What sort of information?" Anders asked cautiously. Varric spoke up from behind Carver. Serenity inwardly groaned as Anders looked their way. She turned away, pretending to be looking around the clinic.

"We are looking for a way to get into the Deep Roads. We were told you might know a way."

"I have maps of the Deeps Roads in this area, but I need a favor in return for the maps." Anders replied. "I have a friend here needs my help in escaping the Gallows. He is meeting me in the Chantry tonight. Meet me there to make sure there is no trouble and I will give you my maps." Carver didn't like the idea of fighting the Templars, but he looked back at his sister, who gave him a single nod.

"We will help you." Carver said, hoping that all would go well.

"Thank you." The group walked out of the clinic. Varric and Aveline went back to their homes, promising to meet the Hawke siblings at the Chantry after dark. Carver stopped his sister when they were far enough away from the clinic. "Do you want to tell me what that was all about?"

"What was what all about?" Serenity shrugged.

"Sere, you and I might not always see eye to eye, especially with you being a mage and all, but you are still my sister and I think I know when something is seriously wrong with you. Why wouldn't you talk to that mage?"

"Carver, does that mage remind you of anyone you know?" Serenity asked him, looking him straight in the eye. Carver began to shake his head no, but then the image of his little nephew and niece came to mind.

"Is that... Melinda and Matthew's father?" he finally asked. Serenity just nodded. "But how?"

"I met him five years ago when I was in the Circle of Magi." Serenity began to explain. The Templars in Feralden had finally caught up with the Hawke family and had taken Serenity to the circle because she had volunteered to go peacefully for the sake of her father and sister. She had been there only a few months when her father had broken her out. The family fled to Lothering where they lived in peace until Malcolm Hawke had passed away. Serenity and Bethany kept their magic a secret so their family could live normal lives for a change. "We became friends after a time. I didn't know until later that he had actually helped Father get me out. We shared a night together a few weeks before Father freed me. I have always loved him, but I truly never thought I would see him again so I didn't think it mattered who the father was. I had heard that he had become a Grey Warden after the Blight was over, but I never expected to see him here."

"Serenity, you can't avoid him forever. We are going to need your help tonight, especially if there is trouble. Please don't back out on me now, Sister."

"I would never do that, Carver. Just please don't say anything about Melinda and Matthew just now. I want to see what Anders is like now. I don't remember him being so ridged." Serenity almost pleaded. Carver just smiled.

"I won't say anything, but you know if Mother sees him, she is going to ask questions, more so if she finds out he's a mage. Both Matthew and Melinda are starting to show signs of having powers."

"I will just have to teach them to hide their magic like Father taught Bethany and I to do." At the mention of their sister, both Hawkes felt a pang of sadness at the loss of their younger sister. It was harder on Carver at times because she had been his twin and Serenity looked almost exactly like her and acted like her as well.

"I hope so, Sister, I hope so." They walked back to their uncle's house in Lowtown where their mother, Leandra, was playing with Serenity's children and her faithful Mabari hound, Tim. Melinda and Matthew ran to their mother and uncle as they entered the house.

"Mama, where did you go today?" The four year old blonde haired, green eyed little girl asked as her mother picked her up. The little boy with blue eyes was picked up by his uncle. They looked exactly like their father with their blonde hair, but Melinda had Serenity's green eyes.

"We went to talk to a man about a map." Serenity replied cheerfully.

"What kind of map?" Matthew asked his uncle.

"Well, Matt, it is a map that will take your mother and me deep underground where we hope to find pretty things that we can sell to make lots of money." Carver explained to the little boy.

"Ohh, Mama, will you buy me a new doll?" Melinda asked as Serenity set her back down on her feet. Leandra chuckled from across the room.

"Now, Melinda, that is not very nice. You have a perfectly nice doll already." Leandra lightly scolded. Serenity kneeled down to her daughter.

"I was thinking I would buy a big house for all of us to live in and where you can a room for all the dolls you want." Melinda laughed with glee and skipped around the room.

"Serenity, don't be filling her head with ideas." Leandra said sternly.

"Mother, I am perfectly serious." Serenity said as she stood up. Carver just shook his head at his mother and sister as he set Matthew down so he could go chase after his sister.

"Well, the sooner, the better." Gamlen mumbled. "Can't wait to have my house back."

"Matt, Melinda, come here please." Serenity said a couple of hours later after they had finished dinner. The children ran to their mother. "Now, I want you to be good for your grandmother tonight, do you understand me?" they both nodded.

"Where are you going, Mama?" Melinda, the ever curious one, questioned softly.

"I have to go help someone who is in trouble, but don't you worry, everything will be all right." Serenity smiled and hugged her daughter. Matthew threw his arms around them.

"We love you, Mama." he said as he pulled back to stand beside his sister.

"I love you guys too. Now, go get ready for bed. I have to go, but I promise I will take you swimming tomorrow." The children cheered at that news as they ran off to their bedroom. "Come on, Carver, let's get this over with." Serenity sighed as she gathered up her staff and headed for the door. Carver grabbed his sword and was right behind her. "Would like to come out to the Wounded Coast with me and the children tomorrow?" She asked as they stepped out into the night.

"I think I will have to." Carver replied, teasing in his voice.

"Why would you have to come?" Serenity asked, confused. "If you don't want to go, you don't have to, you know that."

"But then who would keep you all safe?"

"I can take care of my own children, Carver Hawke. Fine, stay home with Uncle Gamlen and learn how to hate the world."

"All right, I will come with you. Hey, maybe we should invite Anders." Carver laughed at his sister's shocked expression.

"I cannot believe you just said that."

"Why? It would be a good way for you to get to know him again and for your children to get to know their father." Carver said more seriously.

"But...but...what if he starts asking questions about Matthew and Melinda?" Serenity asked.

"Then answer them truthfully. You are going to have to tell him, especially if he going to be staying in Kirkwall and I have a feeling he will be around for a while." Serenity sighed.

"I know, you are right, but you can ask him since it was your idea."

"But he's your boyfriend."

"Not anymore. I will not ask him, so if you want him there, you can ask him." She retorted as they arrived in Hightown. Aveline and Varric were waiting in the chantry courtyard.

"That mage is by the Chantry door, waiting for us." Varric informed them. Serenity took a deep breath and began to climb the stairs to the Chantry. Carver caught up with her. Aveline and Varric followed closely behind.

"It will be all right, Sere. You never know, he might not recognize you. After all, it has been five years." Carver whispered as they walked to the top of the stairs. Anders turned towards them as he heard voices. He stopped short when he saw the woman next to the warrior he had spoken to earlier. She looked exactly like Serenity Hawke, the mage who had stolen his heart five years before.

"Hello, Anders." Varric greeted him as they approached. Anders tore his gaze away from Serenity to look at the dwarf.

"Karl went inside a few minutes ago. There hasn't been any sign of Templars."

An hour later, they were back in Anders' clinic. Serenity was still shaken up by what she had just witnessed. Carver saw his sister's white face and made her sit down.

"Would you care to explain what happened back there?" Carver asked turning toward Anders.

"When I was with the Wardens, we came across of a spirit of justice who was trapped in our world. He needed a host to survive and I offered to help him. He understood my feelings towards the mages' oppression and wanted to help me as well. When my feelings of anger surface, he comes out. That is what you saw." Anders explained carefully. "If you still want my maps, they are yours, as am I, if you wish for me to join you on your expedition."

"Why would you wish to join us?" Serenity asked from behind Carver. She had stood up and was walking slowly towards Anders.

"Because you remind of someone I knew long ago."

"And who would that be?" Aveline asked.

"A young mage who looks much like your friend here." Anders gestured to Serenity.

"Well, now, that this is settled, what do you say to drinks at the Hanged Man?" Varric suggested.

"Sounds good." Aveline chimed in. "Carver?"

"I think we are just going to head home." Carver responded.

"Yes, I need to check on..." Serenity began to add. "...some things."

"Well, see you all later." Aveline and Varric walked out of clinic. Anders handed Carver the maps he had promised.

"Thank you for trying to help me." Anders was saying. Serenity walked to Carver's side.

"Anders..." she said softly. At the sound of her saying his name, Anders turned to her. He instantly knew it was her when he heard that tone in her voice.

"Serenity, why didn't you tell me who you were?" Serenity's eyes widen. Carver back a few feet away.

"I wasn't sure you would remember me." she said quietly.

"Remember you? Serenity...I..." Anders stopped himself. "Yes, I remember you very well. It is nice to see you again." Serenity was confused at his sudden change of attitude. Carver stepped forward again.

"Do you have plans for tomorrow?" He asked Anders. "If you don't, my sister and I are going out to the Wounded Coast to do some swimming, would you like to join us?"

"I would be honored, Sir Hawke. Thank you for inviting me. I will meet you out there about noon. Until tomorrow, Serenity."

"Yes, tomorrow." Serenity nodded and Carver led her back to their uncle's.

Anders was waiting for them when they arrived on the Wounded Coast the following afternoon. The first thing he saw was the two laughing children run past him as they headed for the water.

"Matthew and Melinda Hawke, you come back here this instant!" Serenity said in a sharp tone hurrying after her offspring. She didn't notice Anders as she went after her children. When the children didn't stop running to the water, Serenity cast a quick ice spell to freeze the water. Matthew let out a loud groan as the water froze.

"That's not fair." Melinda whined.

"Then do as you are told and come back here." The two children reluctantly walked back their mother. "Thank you." Serenity sighed and chanted a spell to keep her children protected from the sun's rays. Carver ran up beside her then.

"I see you caught the little monsters." He laughed, trying to catch his breath. Matthew noticed Anders standing a few feet away from them then.

"Who is the man, Uncle Carver?" Carver looked up to where his nephew was pointing.

"Oh, his name is Anders and he is a friend of your mother's and mine who will be joining us today." He explained to the boy. Anders noticed the family watching him so he walked over to them.

"Good afternoon, Anders." Serenity greeted politely.

"Can we go swimming now?" Matthew began to whine at his mother. Serenity waved her hand and the water quickly unfroze. Her son immediately ran towards the surf. Carver ran after him to keep an eye on him. Melinda stood with her mother for a moment.

"Mama, can you teach me that spell? It would come in handy when Matt picks on me." Melinda said seriously. Anders looked down at the small girl with wonder. Serenity had to hide her smile at her daughter's want to freeze her brother. She had wanted to do the same to Carver on many occasions when they were growing up, but her father hadn't allowed it.

"Melinda, you are much too young to even attempt that spell yet and when you do learn it, you will not be permitted to use it on your brother." Serenity said with a stern note in her voice.

"But he is bigger than me and he will always use his magic to pick on me, I just know it." Melinda whimpered. Serenity kneeled to face her child.

"I know you are still too young to understand what I am about to tell you, but I will try to explain. Using your magic on each other is not a good thing to do someone you love. I will teach you both how to control and use your magic, but you must learn when it is right to use it and when it is not and picking on your brother is not the right time to use your magic. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mama." Melinda nodded and hugged her mother.

"Now, go have some fun." Serenity stood back and looked at Anders, who was watching the little girl running off to join her brother in the water. "Anders, are you all right?" His head snapped back around as he realized she was addressing him.

"Yes, Serenity, I am fine. You have beautiful children." He commented absently, still looking towards the water.

"Thank you."

"Are you married?" He questioned after a few moments, turning to look at her.

"No."

"Then how did you come to have those two?" Anders questioned. Serenity was silence for a moment, debating on what to tell him.

"I had them the usual way. About twenty hours of labor." Serenity replied, trying to joke.

"Then you don't who their father is?"

"Yes, I know perfectly well who their father is, but I have a feeling that man no longer exists." Serenity said sadly. She could see now that Anders was not the same man she had fallen in love with five years earlier.

"How old are they?" Anders asked after another few minutes of silence.

"They just turned four a couple of months ago." Anders thought for a moment before he responded; now trying to control the growing anger inside of him.

"So you must have met their father shortly after your father recused you from the circle." Anders said through gritted teeth.

"No, I didn't meet anyone. I was..." Serenity paused for a moment. She knew she needed to tell him the truth. "I was...pregnant with them before I left the circle." Anders hadn't expected her to say that.

"Was...was...there...anyone after you and I...?" His voice trailed off as he looked more closely at the children who were a few yards away from them playing with their uncle in the ocean.

"No, Anders, there wasn't, there never has been. I have just focused on keeping them safe and happy." Serenity followed Anders' gaze to their children playing.

"So what you are basically saying is that those two are mine. Am I correct?"

"Yes, you are correct." Anders looked at her then, his anger gone.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"How could I? The Templars were after my family again. I didn't want to risk their safety by trying to get a message to you. I didn't even realize I was with child until after we were settled in Lothering. By then, my family was happy and I didn't want to uproot them again. I honestly thought I would never see you again especially after we had to flee Feralden. I never expected to find you here of all places. I am sorry, Anders, but you are here now. Get to know them if you want to. Heaven only knows how much I could use some help sometimes."

"Did you say they are both showing signs of being a mage?"

"Yes. My mother and brother don't fully understand how hard the next few years will be on them as they grow into their magic. With my father and sister gone, I have been the only one who can teach them what will happen as they grow older." Serenity sighed. "I love them too much to want them to be hauled off to the Gallows."

"No children of mine will ever see the inside of any circle." Anders growled, suddenly feeling very protective of the children.

"I hope not. I have figured my best bet is to teach them how to use their magic wisely and how to hide it like my father taught Bethany and I."

"That is probably for the best for now. If you will allow me, Sere, I will help you all I can with them. Do they know anything about me?"

"I have told them what I know about you and how we met. As much as I want to protect them, I don't lie to my children. I don't believe in it." Serenity replied. "I am surprised one of them hasn't figured out who you might be already. I have told them your name before." Anders looked at his children again and saw both of them running towards their mother.

"Mama, is it true?" Melinda asked as they stopped in front of Serenity.

"Is what true, my darling?" Serenity asked.

"Matt says that this man has the same name as his middle name. Is that true?"

"Yes, Melinda is it. His name is Anders."

"You gave him my name?" Anders asked quietly, amazed. Serenity just smiled and nodded.

"Anders, are you our papa?" Matthew turned to Anders and asked. Anders was somewhat taken aback by the child's question. He looked at Serenity for help. She decided to come to his rescue.

"Yes, Matt, he is your papa." Serenity answered her son. Melinda looked at Anders for a second longer and then she flung herself at him, wrapping in small arms around his waist. Anders felt tears sting his eyes as he reached down to pick up his little girl. Melinda was crying now as she hugged him tightly.

"Why is she crying?" He mouthed to Serenity.

"I think she is just happy to see you." She reached down and picked up Matthew, who was still just watching his sister.

"Where have you been?" Matthew asked Anders.

"I have been searching for you and your mother." Anders answered quickly. Serenity felt her heart melt at his statement, but she couldn't help but think of how his attitude had changed so suddenly towards her the previous evening.

"Well, we have been here for a year now." Matthew explained to his newly discovered father. "What took you so long?"

"Unfortunately, other things in life, things that you have to do, that get in the way of want to do." Anders tried to explain. "Do you understand what I am trying to say?" From Matthew's confused expression, Anders concluded that the boy didn't understand.

"Matt, it's like when you want to continue playing with your toys, but you know you must go to bed." Serenity jumped in to Anders' explanation into simpler terms for the child to comprehend. "Your papa wanted to find us, but he had to go to bed before he could." Serenity silently chuckled at her own explaination, but she knew Matthew would understand.

"Oh, I get it. I don't like when Mama or Grandmother make me go to bed. I am glad you finally got out of bed, Papa." Matthew replied, smiling up at his father. Melinda pulled back, tears still staining her little face.

"I am glad too, Papa." She said through her tears. Serenity then held out her hands for her daughter. Melinda hesitated for a moment, but then she went into her mother's embrace. Anders held his hands for Matthew and the boy went straight into his father's waiting arms. After a moment or two, Matthew pulled back and looked at his father.

"Are you and Mama going to get married?" The question came from Melinda. Serenity and Anders looked at each other. Neither knew what to tell their daughter.

"Why don't you two go play with Uncle Carver and let your father and I talk some more?" Serenity suggested instead. Anders was silence as they both set the child they had been holding down. Melinda pulled on her mother's hand and Matthew pulled on Anders.

"Come on, Mama, Papa, you play with us too. Uncle Carver gets boring." The parents followed their children off towards the water, spending time together like they were a real family...

Six years later...

Serenity had stared in horror a few hours earlier as the Chantry had been blown into tiny pieces by the man she had come to love again so dearly and whom she now had three wonderful children by. She now sat on her bed with her head in her hands, wondering if she had done the right thing of letting him live and standing by him in their fight against the Templars. A knock sounded on her door.

"Come in." She called. Her eldest child, Matthew, now age ten, entered, followed by his twin sister, Melinda and their younger sister, Melanie, who was just three years old.

"Mama, Isabela is downstairs and wants to know if we are ready to leave." Melinda told her mother softly. Serenity looked up at her three children.

"Yes, I am ready." She replied just as softly. Her group of friends had quickly decided after the battle that it would be best for all of them to leave Kirkwall as quickly as possible. Serenity had made the decision to go back to Feralden to be closer to her brother. He had been with the Grey Wardens for six years and they usually stayed in their home base. Carver had recently bought a house in Denerim and he had said that they could all stay with him for a while. Varric had decided to follow Serenity to Feralden and continue to spread her stories, including that latest one. "Matthew, please go tell Isabela that we will all be down in a few minutes."

"Yes, Mother." Matthew stood up straight. Serenity shook her head, even though the boy was a mage; he acted more like his Uncle Carver every day. Melanie walked over to stand in front of her mother.

"Mama, what about Papa? Is he coming with us?" The black haired little girl asked her mother innocently. Serenity smiled at the child who looked so much like her as pulled her up into her lap.

"Melanie, I honestly don't know if your papa is coming with us or not. I wish I could tell you more." Serenity said sadly. She didn't even know if she wanted Anders to come with them. She felt so betrayed by him.

"Where is Papa?" Melinda asked. Serenity looked at her older daughter with deep sadness in her eyes. Even though both Matthew and Melinda now understood the dangers of being a mage, she couldn't bring herself to tell them what their beloved father had done earlier that evening.

"I don't know, Melinda. Your father and I were...um...separated during the battle. I came back here to check on you three. You see, your father and I came to understanding a long time ago that if something like happened this that we would put you children first and make sure you were safe." That perticular conversation had happened soon after that day on the Wounded Coast when Anders had found out the truth. They had both known that with Meredith in charge in the Gallows and the growing Qunari threat that they needed to have a plan in place in case anything ever happened to either one of them.

The small family had been happy for a time until a few weeks ago. Matthew and Melinda had noticed the distance growing between their parents. Their little sister hadn't known anything was wrong because she was too young to understand. Melinda watched her mother's face as Serenity thought about the past few years. Serenity had never married Anders. Even though she had grown to love him again, she sometimes wondered if it was partly because of their children. She had always felt in some small part of her that Anders had changed much more than she had orignally thought by taking the spirit of justice in his body.

"Mama, shouldn't we be going?" Melinda finally spoke, pulling Serenity out of her thoughts and back to the present. She looked at her daughter and nodded. Melanie leaped off of her mother's lap and skipped out of the room. Melinda watched her little sister leave before turning back her mother, who was gathering the bags she had packed up from the floor by the bed. "Has Papa done something wrong?" The girl asked, walking to stand beside her mother. Serenity looked at her child in surprise.

"I think that depends on who you ask." Serenity answered softly.

"I am asking you." Melinda said pointedly.

"Being a mage myself, I understand his point, but I don't agree with his actions." Serenity said vaguely.

"What did Papa do?" Serenity didn't answer her daughter's question, not wanting to shatter the child's view of her father. "Mama, what did he do?"

"Melinda, I am not sure that this is something that you should know until you are older." Serenity said slowly. "I don't want you to..."

"Mama..." Melinda began, interrupting her mother. "I am not afraid what Papa has done. I will still love you and Papa regardless."

"Melinda, I think your view of your father would be forever changed if I were to tell you what he has done. I know my view of him has changed."

"Do you no longer love him?"

"I will always love your father." But Melinda was surprised to see the deep sadness in her mother's eyes. Whatever her father had done, it had shaken her mother to her core and that was not an easy thing to do. She had seen the tears her mother had wiped away from her eyes as they had entered the room earlier. "Now, go gather your belongings and join Matthew and Melanie downstairs, I will be down in a moment." Serenity said in a stern tone. Melinda just nodded, knowing not to question her mother any further at that time. Even though Serenity had not told Melinda what Anders had done, Melinda's view of her father had been changed just being knowing that he had hurt her mother so deeply.

She left the room and went downstairs. Matthew saw his sister descend the stairs.

"Where's Mama?" he asked. "Isabela is getting restless."

"She is on her way." Melinda answered simply, not looking at her brother.

"Lindy, what's wrong? Did she tell anything about Papa?" Matthew asked with concern as he looked at Melinda's serious face.

"No, she didn't." Melinda answered after a moment. This was first time that she had kept something from her twin. At Matthew's glare, she knew that he knew that she was keeping something from him. "I will tell you later. I don't want to alarm Melanie." Matthew looked across the room to their little sister who was playing with Tim, their Mabari war hound and nodded in understanding. "Thank you."

"Is your mother coming down?" Isablea asked, stalking back into the room.

"I am right here, Isabela." Serenity said from the bottom of the stairs.

"Well, it is about time. We need to get going before they come..." Isabela stopped her statement at Serenity's gesture to the children. "...before they come to congratulate us." She finished softly.

"Come on, children, gather up your things and follow Isabela." Serenity clapped her hands. "We will be sailing to Feralden on her ship." The small group headed out of the mansion. Serenity stopped for a moment at the front door and looked around the house one last time before shutting the door behind her.

Melanie was amazed at the sights and sounds of the dockyard. Matthew and Melinda had a hard time keeping her with them until Serenity intervened by picking the child up and carrying her.

"Mama, I want down." Melanie whined.

"Until you learn that you are not to be trying to run off, you are staying right where you are." Serenity replied firmly.

"But, Mama, Matt just ran off." Melanie pointed over her mother's shoulder. Serenity turned in time to see her son running away with Melinda running after him calling for him to come back. She set Melanie down.

"Go stay with Varric until I return." Serenity said quickly, gesturing to the drawf standing a few yards away. She frantically rushed after Melinda and Matthew. Her son rounded a corner and left his mother's sight. Serenity called for Melinda, who heard her mother's call and stopped. Serenity reached her daughter a second later. "What happened?"

"Matt said something about seeing Papa." Just as she finished her statement, Serenity saw Matthew and Anders walking back towards them.

"Matthew Anders Hawke, you know better than to run off like that! Talking about setting a bad example for your sisters!" Serenity scolded as the two men stopped before them.

"I am sorry, Mama, but I saw Papa and..." Matthew started to explain.

"And next time you will inform your mother of where you are going instead of just dashing off, is that understood, young man?" Anders stated firmly.

"Yes, Papa." Matthew replied soberly. "I am sorry, Mama."

"It is all right. It is lucky for you that Melanie said something to me." Serenity hugged her son to her, trying to calm her fears. She didn't want anything to happen to her children ever. "Come on, we must get to the ship. Isabela will be wanting to get underway." She began to guide the children away from Anders, who she couldn't bring herself to look at.

"You are sailing away on Isabela's ship?" Anders questioned.

"Yes. Mama says we are going back to Feralden." Matthew informed his father cheerfully, forgeting his perivous scolding. Melinda stood silently at her mother's side, waiting on her brother.

"Matt, we need to go." Serenity said again.

"Serenity..." Anders said softly, pleading in his voice. "Please..." Melinda looked at her mother to see her fighting back tears.

"Matt, Lindy, please go inform Isabela that I will be along shortly." Serenity stated coldly.

"Yes, Mama." Melinda replied immediately, pulling on Matthew's arm.

"But..." Matthew began to protest, but he stopped at the shake of his sister's head. He silently followed her back to the ship. Serenity watched them walk away until she felt Anders hand on her shoulder.

"Serenity, please look at me." Anders pleaded again. Serenity took a deep breath and summoned her courage to face him. He instantly saw the tears she was trying to hide. "Oh, Sere, please don't cry."

"Anders, I can't do this right now." she whispered. "I just cant."

"So what? You are just going to take my children and leave?" His hand dropped from her shoulder. "You can't do that, Serenity! You and them are my whole life!" Serenity wanted to lash out at him, but it wasn't the time or place to do so.

"Anders, I have to go. Isabela is waiting."

"So that's it then? Will I ever see you again?"

"I don't know." she said quietly. "I don't know."

"Sere let me come with you, please." She looked up at him with a shocked expression.

"If Isabela wants to let you abroad her ship, I cannot stop her, but I don't know where we go from here, Anders. I won't stop you from seeing the children, but it is too soon for me to..."

"Hawke." Fenris called from behind her. "We need to go now."

"I'm coming." She called back, turning to walk back to the ship. Anders followed at a short distance behind her. Isabela saw him following Serenity.

"What are you doing here?" Fenris growled as Anders approached. Serenity hadn't stopped until she had joined her children on the deck of the ship.

"I am here to seek passage of Isabela's ship." Anders replied calmly.

"And why should I let you abroad my ship?" Isabela asked.

"For one, you have my children and their mother abroad your ship and a few hours ago, we were friends."

"Friends don't betray one another." Varric said pointedly.

"Look, we don't have time to stand here and argue about it. I will let sail with us, but you stay away from Hawke until she is ready to talk to you or you might not make it to Feralden alive." Isabela said coolly.

"I understand." Anders nodded. Fenris glared at him before he broaded the ship. Aveline and her husband were surprised to see Anders. Aveline looked towards Serenity with the silence question in her eyes of "what are you going to do?" and Serenity just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders to indicate that she didnt' know yet. Aveline looked back at Anders and rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to her husband.

"Papa!" Melanie shouted, running over to her father as he broaded the ship. Anders picked his youngest child up and hugged her to him. He saw Melinda watching them from her mother's side and he smiled to her. The girl turned away from her father without smiling back. She was still angry at him for hurting her mother. Matthew had seen what his sister had done and looked at her rather strangely. To his knowledge, Melinda loved their father very much. He decided that now would be a good time to learn what his twin had discovered from their mother. As the ship began to move, Serenity went below deck with Isabela, who showed her to the room where she would be staying and the room right beside it for the children.

"I know they are small, but with everyone traveling on here, it's all I have left." Isabela explained sadly. "I am going to have Anders bunk with the crew for now. I don't think Varric and Fenris would be too happy if i put him in with them."

"It's all right, Isabela. This will be fine for me and the children. As for Anders, I don't much care for what you do with him at the moment. If it weren't for my children's sake, I probably would have killed him tonight." Serenity said sadly. "I love him, but I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him." Aveline came up behind the two women then.

"Hawke, does Anders know about...?" Aveline paused, not knowing if she should continue with Isabela standing there.

"It is all right, Aveline. I told Isabela a few days ago. And no, Anders does not know about it and I would perfer it be kept that way until I can figure out what I am going to do about him." Serenity replied seriously. Isabela looked back and forth between the two women for a moment.

"We are talking about the fact that you are expecting Anders child again, aren't we?" she asked softly.

"Yes, Isabela." Aveline answered, rolling her eyes at the pirate captain.

"I still find it strange that he has been able to knock you up that many times, especially after he became a warden." Isabela chuckled.

"Do the children know?" Aveline asked, deciding to ignore Isabela's comment.

"No, they don't yet. I am hoping I can wait until we get to Denerim to tell them." Serenity answered. "And yes, Isabela, I find it strange as well, but I wouldn't change anything about the three children I already have and the new one growing inside me."

"I know that, Hawke. I am sorry if I offended you." Isabela said sincerely.

"It's all right, Isabela. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I just don't know what I am doing anymore." Serenity sighed. "I think I am going to lie down for awhile. If you get tired of Melanie, send her down to me." Isabela and Aveline nodded as Serenity shut her door.

"Maybe we could just throw Anders overbroad when we get out to sea." Isabela suggested to Aveline as they walked back on deck.

"Then I think Hawke would kill us instead."

"Who is Hawke going to murder now?" Fenris asked as they passed by him.

"No one, Fenris." Aveline told him. "Isabela was suggesting that we dispose of Anders and I stated that Hawke might just kill us instead."

"That's too bad because the idea of killing Anders has possibilities." Fenris said.

"I think we should stop all talk of killing the father of Hawke's children until she has decided what to do about him herself."

As Serenity had went below deck, Matthew had pulled his sister into a corner.

"What is going on with you, Lindy?" He demanded.

"What do you mean?"

"You were acting very rude towards Papa a minute ago. What did Mama tell you?"

"Mama didn't really tell me anything. I asked her if Papa had done something wrong and she said it depends on who you asked. She said she agreed with his point, but not his actions. She didn't explain any further, but as she spoke, she looked so sad and forlorn, that I suspect that whatever Papa did hurt Mama very deeply and I can't forgive him for that just yet. I don't know why he hurt Mama, but I am also not sure I really want to know."

"You know, she wouldn't even look at him when they were scolding me for running off." Matthew added. "Poor Mama. What has Papa done to her?" They both looked at their father across the deck, which was still holding Melanie. "Should we take Mel below?"

"I think she will be all right with Papa. She is too young to notice that anything is wrong. She thinks this is all a grand adventure. Maybe we should go check on Mama though." Melinda said. At Matthews's nod of agreement, they went below and knocked on their mother's door.

"Comes in." Serenity called. Melinda and Matthew entered the small room to find their mother looking out the window at the ocean.

"Mama, are you all right?" Matthew asked, walking up behind her. Serenity turned to the children.

"Honestly, Matt, no, I am not."

"What's wrong, Mama?" Melinda asked.

"A lot of things, my dear girl." Serenity said, hugging her daughter to her side.

"Is there anything we can do to help you?" Matthew questioned.

"Yes. Help look at after your little sister for the next few days. I...need some time to think about some things."

"Of course, Mama." Melinda answered at once. Matthew nodded as well.

"Thank you, my dears. I will make this up to you somehow." Serenity promised. "It is not fair of me to ask you to take care of your sister when it's my job to take care of you."

"And sometimes it's your family and friends job to take care of you." Aveline said from the doorway. "Come along, children. It is time for you to be in bed." Aveline held out her hand and with a nod from Serenity, the twins went to her. Serenity smiled her thanks to Aveline before turning back to the window. A few minutes later, Aveline came back into the room. "They are all settled in for the reminder of the night."

"I can't thank you enough, Aveline. I wish I could be more use to everyone right now. I feel so helpless."

"Hawke, listen to me, we are all angry with Anders, especially Varric and myself because we were there when we gathered up the ingredients for his so called 'potion'. We all understand that you need some time to sort of your feelings. Take all the time you need. It will take us the better part of a month to get to Feralden. Right now though, you need to lie down on that bed and try to get some sleep. Your newest little one isn't going to be thanking you if you dont take care of yourself." Aveline pushed Serenity over to the bed. "Lie down."

"Yes, Mother." Serenity mocked as she laid down. Before Aveline had closed the door behind her, her young friend was asleep. She met Anders in the corridor.

"Is Serenity and the children all right?"

"The children are sleeping and Hawke is no concern of yours right now!" Aveline snapped at him.

"She is the mother of my children." Anders protested.

"And you will do well to understand that she is no condition to speak with you right now. I would say she has gone through enough for one day without you bugging her further, besides she is sound asleep now."

"I am sorry, Aveline. I didn't mean to add to her stress."

"Keep that in mind when she gets around to wanting to speak to you. A woman in her condition doesn't need any more stress put on her!" Aveline said before she could stop herself.

"What do you mean a woman in her condition?" Anders questioned.

"I mean her condition is not exactly the best one for stress. She is emotionally and physically drained and will be for awhile. Remember that, Anders or you will have more to worry about then just Hawke and your children." Aveline warned before continuing on past Anders. The mage stood there for moment thinking about the guard captin had said. _A woman in her condition. She couldn't have meant that Serenity was expecting again, could she? No, that was impossible_. Anders dismissed the thought and walked away.

Serenity awoke early the following afternoon feeling much better. Her head was more clear than it had been the night before. She climbed out of bed and quickly dressed. She knocked on the door next to hers to check on her children. Melanie was the only one in the room and she was sound asleep. Serenity quietly shut the door and went above deck, searching for her other children. She spotted them sitting with their father who was, by the looks of it, teaching them a new spell. She walked over to them. Anders was the first one to spot her. He stood up quickly when she approached. Mathew and Melinda saw their mother and smiled.

"Papa has been teaching us an ice spell. " Melinda announced to her mother as she stood to her feet.

"That is wonderful. Would you two please go to your room while I speak with your father?" Serenity said tightly.

"Yes, Mama." The twins run off without another word to either of their parents.

"How are you feeling?" Anders questioned cautiously as he stood up.

"Better. I still have some thinking to do." Serenity answered. Anders just nodded, not knowing what to say. "Anders, I need to know why." She said quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Why what?" Serenity's green eyes glared at him then.

"Don't be stupid!" She snapped. "You know perfectly well what I am talking about."

"Serenity, there could be no compromise between the mages and templars, you know that!" Anders exclaimed.

"I know that, but I don't agree with your methods of trying to fix it None of us do!" She gestured to Varric, Fenris, Aveline, and Isabela, who were all listening to the arguement. Isabela ans Aveline were ready to intervene if Serenity became too emotional. They didn't want anything to happen her unborn child, no matter who it's father was.

"Then why didn't you just kill me?" Anders shot back. Serenity looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Why did you let me live?" He was screaming at her now. Fenris came forward, drawing his sword.

"Back off, mage if you want to live." The elf said very calmly, but with death laced in her voice.

"Oh, I see how it is now." Anders growled. "You have your new boyfriend protecting you now." He had always been jealous of Serenity's friendship with the former slave. He expected Serenity to back down, but he didn't expect to slap him hard across the face. The surprise attack sent him reeling backwards.

"If that is what you actually think, then I should just kill you right here and now! You hurt me very deeply by betraying me and our children and I might not ever forgive you for that, but the reason I let you live is because I love you, you asshole!" Serenity shouted at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I will give you one hour to calm down and apologize. If that doesn't happen, I will let Fenris put his sword through your chest, so I would choose very carefully if I were you, Anders. This is your last chance to begin to make things right." Serenity finished. She quickly turned away and stalked to the other side of the deck. Melinda came flying from below deck, hurling spells at her father. Anders was knocked off his feet by the further attack. Matthew came up behind his sister and stopped her. Anders looked up at his daughter and saw the rage in her green eyes. He looked over at his son and saw anger in his eyes as well.

"How dare you hurt Mama again!" Melinda fumed, struggling aganist her brother's grip.

"Lindy, you need to calm down." Matthew said into her ear. She looked at her brother for a moment and then nodded. He released her and looked back at their father. "Papa, we don't know what you did to Mama, but we do not like the fact that you have hurt her. We don't want to see her hurt anymore, so I suggest you stay away from us, Melaine and Mama until further notice."

"Matthew, Melinda, you cannot talk to me that way. I am still your father." Anders snapped again. Immediately, Fenris stepped forward again.

"I strongely suggest you listen them. I believe, given their parents and impressed hertiage, these two could do some serious damage to you if they wanted to, especially if they are protecting their mother and younger sister." The elf replied. Anders just nodded and walked away with his head hung low. At that moment, he felt like he had lost everything that he held dear.

For the next two weeks, Serenity barely left her cabin other than to spend time with her children. Anders did not bother her again. In that time, Melinda and Matthew's anger lessened as they saw that their mother didn't look so sad any longer. Finally, Serenity sought out Anders, feeling calm enough to speak with him. He was alone on the deck when she was trying to find him.

"Anders?" He turned at the sound of voice.

"Yes?"

"Can I speak with you?"

"Of course." He fully turned to face her.

"I have done much thinking over the past couple of weeks. I am still angry with you and still not sure where we go from here, but I do forgive you for betrying me. I think that has more to dow witht the children at this point than anything esle. I don't want them growing up without their father in their lives. I wish things had turned out differently. The one thing I need to know now is why didn't you tell me the truth?"

"I didn't want you to take the blame. I am not proud of what I have done, but I am don't regret because it is time the world sees that the Circle is not the answer. I know I hurt you and our family and I will spend the rest of my days trying to make up for that if you will let me."

"You do realize that you will be hunted, don't you?"

"I don't know if I will or not. Maybe we should move to Orlais."

"I have thought about it. Isabela will be taking Aveline and Donnic there. Maybe we could join them." Serenity replied. "I will talk to Isabela later."

"Can we start over?" Anders questioned, holding out his arms to her. Serenity hestiated for a moment and then she went straight into his embrace.


End file.
